Apr. 12, 2005 - 10:53
holy crap.
i've had painful gas for two days.
also, the amount of interviews for temp jobs i've had in the past two days is making my colon hurt. i think i am now officially constipated.
it's better today than yesterday so that is progress.
still bloated.
am drinking copious amounts of water which add to the bloat.
ate hardly anything yesterday.
today i had a muffin and coffee (the coffee i hoped would help move things along but even that did not work).
i am afraid to take a laxative.
i may have to.
it's hard to get the full picture with a diary.
not that i want to give you a picture.
it's so easy to be missunderstood on fluffyvera, the diary.
i have been experiencing post-partum tour depression.
goddamn there's nothing like playing music every day. i love drums and i love playing with matt. and those were some fun shows. with goofy ass people (who's the DAWS!) around and i miss it and it felt like there was a purpose or something.
even when i felt cranky i liked it.
i was remembering today being home for a summer after my first year of college.....that first year at school ignited some creative spark in me i was writing all the time and reading and drawing and i put up a huge butcher's block sheet of paper on my wall for all my friends to draw and write things on. i went to the piano one afternoon and tried to write a song about one of the women that i worked at denny's with ( shut up i did work there).
i didn't really get anywhere. i felt like it was stupid and i got frustrated that i didn't know how to play the piano.
my concept of music was so different then to what it is today. i thought you had to have major chops to write a song. I didn't know it was okay to begin where you were and to build musicianship in baby steps. That you could express something - words and intent and feeling could come through even if you were a beginner with your instrument.
some of my early writing is embarrassing it's true.
but if i hadn't done it, i wouldn't be writing the songs i'm writing now.
today i was at battery park before my temp interview. it was really sunny and cold.
i looked at these wooden pier logs that were roped together and thought about how they shot that scene from hannah and her sisters here.....
and then i thought how romantic woody allen movies are....how his characters live such poetic, contemplative lives - walking around new york going to bookstores and walking on piers and making art and being neurotic but somehow it's endearing.
well at least in hannah and her sisters and annie hall.
there's no emptying the litter box and paying the rent. i guess that's why they're movies.
can you imagine a slo-mo shot of the cat box? ew. poo on the brain.
oy vey i have to transcribe an email list now.
more soon.
